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I’ve been recently hearing from various people that they’re feeling the weight of the world on their shoulders, and thinking they lack strength. I believe the fall season is here to remind us to re-calibrate, take a pause, rest, find grace and ease, and transition into what feels true to us for the next cycle.
The fall season is associated with many things: harvest, abundance, change, preservation, reconnection, renewal, and balance. It has its own rhythm between the free-spirited summer and the scarce harsh winter. We see this reflected in the people we’ve talked to about transition, change, and new beginnings. Their journeys affirm there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to moving through life, finding strength, redefining ourselves, and healing.
Today, we’re sharing this conversation we had with Nik, a Burn-Out Survivor, on new beginnings, taking a leap, and redefining yourself.Â
When you think about change, transition, new beginnings, what comes to mind?
“It makes me think about opposites. Things being both exciting and terrifying. Both moving towards and away from change at the same time. Wanting things to be different, and then having a moment of panic, oh no, go backwards! Go back!”
What’s an example that comes to mind?
“I am transitioning into not working till I'm exhausted in the last few years...I realized I've been working myself really hard for years and I'm not happy. And my life, isn't what I want it to be…That was the answer to all of my problems before to work really hard, and to work a lot. Double down…But I'm trying to do something different, which is prioritize my well-being.”
What is it about working harder that creates that reaction for you? Where does that come from?
“I think it’s an upbringing thing, being raised in a rural area. The farmers are the hardest working people…Do what’s needed no matter what…It doesn’t matter if you have aches and pains. You get up and do the work. So there’s that sort of mentality that you grow up with, to do more and to always be doing. And it’s noble and good. Also tied to being very Christian…and doing good…So that’s ingrained being a good person means being a hard worker.”
It’s such a mind shift, but also a spiritual shift because you're no longer putting yourself worth into how much you're producing. And that's such a big thing.
 “There's only so much you can push yourself…Even though that’s my upbringing, and I push back against those things, they are just so absolutely sticky. They're just in there. Accomplishing and working more means something about you. And there's a reflection on your family too.”
What led to the change?
“I was getting burnt out personally and professionally…And it led to a really hard year, struggling with depression…So, something needed to change and that was super scary.”
“Figuring out what am I like if I'm not this person that's working really hard? And I've been working my butt off and I did the thing, and I was really unhappy and really ill.”
“I couldn't eat. My relationship with food got all weird. I felt physically broken. That was pretty big. It's been a part of the shift. All of the things that were supposed to bring me happiness, instability, haven't done that.”
So you’re delving into the unknown?
“It’s a new space to be in figuring out what stability, happiness, and success looks like on my own terms. I don’t know the answer. I will discover it when I go to the next step and the next…staying open to it. I think that's probably the biggest piece; changing towards openness and curiosity and flexibility instead of switching exactly a formula…A lot of the changes that I've made in the last couple years have really been much more open ended. Curiosity-led.”
What helped with that?
“I've done a lot of work around my personal values in the last couple years. And that's really helped me to frame change and choices that I make in building life from a place of values that are important to me instead of all of that cultural crap that I've just been regurgitating. You do it without even realizing what it’s doing to you.”
What values are important to you now?
“Compassion for myself and others. Nature, creativity and art-making. Curiosity. Those are the main core pieces for me that I try to drive all of my choices. And that feels so much more meaningful and helpful and true. And easier, honestly.”
What is advice you would give someone who is going through a transition or is fearing changing something?
“Exploring your values is priceless, genuinely. I think it's priceless to figure out what are the things that make your life rich. That gives you a tether, your own compass. And approach it with genuineness. Then you get to experience those little moments, like, oh, I'm acting in line with my values. I can feel it. I can tell when it's happening…It’s legit magic. It doesn't always tell you what to do in terms of action, but it helps to point you in the right direction. And as somebody who's chronically indecisive, that's such a gift. And even if I mess up, it’s from a place of authenticity…And you're never gonna regret that. It'd be so much easier to embrace it as a mistake.”Â
I so appreciated this honest open conversation with Nik. That last part gave me goosebumps, literally. I could feel Nik’s energy light up. It’s such an honor to have someone trust me with their experience like this.
In talking with Nik, it really stood out to me how change and transformation happens over time. And, the grace that it takes. It was a significant reminder that change happens from the inside out. When Nik’s values and priorities changed, the outside transformation followed.Â
Note: We’ve edited the conversation for easy reading while maintaining the integrity of Nik’s words, experiences, journey, and intentions. Name(s) have been changed for privacy and any similarities are purely coincidental.
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Hiba is a holistic psychotherapist specializing in trauma, couples treatment, and culture. She's passionate about solving mental health crises by practicing prevention. She brings over 18 years of experience working with individuals, couples, & families in her private practice. She is known for her work on the transmission of trauma and its impact on relationships.
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